An Open Letter to Mrs. Paula Deen

Note:  I really doubt she’ll actually read this herself, but I have to get it out there.  By the way, this is my blog, and I have comments moderated, if you’re gonna spread haterade about me or Mrs. Dean, your comments will not be published.  *momstare*


Dear Mrs. Deen.

I have seen the controversy surrounding what you have said over 30 years ago.  I am pretty angry that they are crucifying you for something that should very well be dead and buried in the past.  I find it funny that people who live in glass houses are throwing stones the way that they are.

I’ll tell  you something.  I believe full on that you never were racist.  Me on the other hand…This is going to be difficult.  Even if you WERE racist, and were raised that way in the deep pre-civil rights era South, it is possible for people to change.  I know it, because *I* changed.

I used to run with the Neo-nazis.  That’s when the Gods that I followed, turned their backs on me, except one.  I don’t follow the Christian God that you do, Mrs. Deen, but, you’re a gracious enough lady to understand that it’s not what church we go to, that makes us.  You said that yourself on the interview you did on The Today Show. (  

Of course this isn’t a faith contest.  I’m a cook.  I LOVE to cook.  You were one of my inspirations when I was little!  Little Canadian Me, sitting and watching all these wonderful Southern dishes coming out of your was lovely!  Along with Julia Child, and James Barber, YOU were one of my inspirations, the one who ignited the love of cooking, in that young girl.  You taught me all about Comfort Food, how to make fried chicken, hoe cakes, grits, and collards.  I wouldn’t have known what Okra was, let alone how to cook it properly! (Don’t forget to deslime it, people!!!)

Anyway, when I was a young woman in my early 20’s I had some really bad things happen to me.  I was so full of hate and anger, and rage, that I had to direct it at SOMETHING, SOMEONE…so, I started dating this skinhead boy.  I started falling into that lifestyle of rage and hate…full on.  It wasn’t a good time in my life.  I really don’t want to get into details, they aren’t important. 

Well, what changed me, and trust me, it is possible for people to change out of the racist mindset!  I know you were never racist, but ‘mam,  but if you used to be, I would be a total hypocrite to not extend you grace, because *I* was.  *I* changed, because I fell pregnant with my daughter.  I realized that there was more to life than hatred, bigotry and race.  I did not want to raise my child in that lifestyle or environment, so *I* changed. I know if I didn’t fall pregnant I probably would be dead by now, or in prison, either or.

So whoever is reading this right now, be it some person from the blogosphere, or, even Mrs Deen herself, IT IS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE.  Racist people are able to change if they want to, I’m proof.   Leave the past in the past.  That’s where it belongs.  Mrs. Deen needs to be allowed to re-bury her skeletons.  We ALL have skeletons in our closets. 

Sincerely: Me

Remember, NO One is innocent.  Not you, not I, everyone has dirt.  Everyone has that dustbunny in the corner of their soul needing to be swept up and exposed.

The only way to clear these is to shed light on them.  Darkness and secrecy are self perpetuating.  Honesty and light, kill these things.  Mrs. Deen has BEEN honest, she opened her closet and said “Yes I have skeletons, who doesn’t?”, and just because she’s FAMOUS, does not give you the right to judge her over her skeletons.  She is human, like you and I.  

You know, when Rev Jackson and Mr Sharpton step up to tell people to back off of Mrs. Deen, you KNOW what she did wasn’t that offensive.  Get over it.

About Monica Baker

Stay at home mom trying to get back into the workforce and blogging about it. Nothing super exciting really. But if you insist on reading go right ahead. If anything feel free to leave tips!

Posted on June 29, 2013, in General Crap, Recipes and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I understand everything you just stated and you made valid points. However, I strongly suggest you read the full deposition before accusing anyone of “trying to be perfect”. Understand that most Black people are not upset over her saying the “n” word to the man who robbed her (which was over 30 years ago) but stating that she wanted “nigger” men to dress up in white tuxedos for a true Southern plantation wedding. That happened 6 years ago. When Matt Lauer addressed that issue on the Today Show, she ignored it and jumped right into the “Black people call each other that word” excuse (for the record, I’ve never been called a niggER by another Black person). Of course, the deposition is about a sexual harassment case, not racial issues…though many were mentioned.

    I don’t follow Paula Deen, but I know of her. While I focus more on healthy soul food (in the way of Sunny Anderson and Patti LaBelle), I know why people like Paula Deen. However, we should remember that she is a brand/business. Whenever a major story breaks about a celebrity that just happens to have a string of endorsement and sponsorship deals, the first thing to go is the money. Even when she asked for forgiveness, most people already had. She shouldn’t have to ask for forgiveness…just apologize for things stated in the past that would have came to light eventually (Lisa Jackson has video evidence of Ms. Deen using nigger up until she parted ways with Bubba’s restaurant). Ultimate forgiveness (for her) comes from God.

    While I actually care less because this particular incident doesn’t affect my personal life, I can honestly say that I will not buy anything of hers in the future. Just like I don’t buy Pepsi due to their involvement in South Africa apartheid and I don’t support Don Imus for calling women nappy-headed hoes. Just because we do things in the past doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t suffer the consequences. She wasn’t honest about this, initially. She had to go to court for covering up her brother’s behavior. Then her secrets came out of the closet. That’s not being forthright…that’s ‘fessing up!

    I do commend you for stating your personal story. I was engaged to a White man while I was in college. His grandfather had been the Grand Dragon of his region’s KKK. When he met me for the first time (yes, I was warned), he straight up said that I was cool for a nigger. He approved our engagement. It took everything within me not to hit him…but my fiancè popped him in the mouth (so did my fiancè’s Dad, GD’s son). There was a straight no tolerance policy when it came to disrespect in their family. Even though we’re not together now (really good friends), his grandfather still asks about me and only has positive things to say…but he still hates “niggers”.

    Sorry that this is long, but after getting the full story, I can see why people are upset. I think more people are upset at Ms. Deen’s fans because they are actually excusing the plantation wedding comment, which she never apologized for.

    • Maybe this will be her turning point for change then? Who knows. It is possible for anyone to really change. And if you think about it, how many false lawsuits are brought up at celebs for a quick buck? Paula refused to settle, and this came to light. One of those things that make you go hmmm right?

      It’s alleged. It is up to her to admit saying that about the wedding, or it is up to a court of law to prove beyond a reasonable doubt she did say those things and nail her for purgery.

      I for one have not been in the skinhead scene for 10 years now. So it really is possible for people to change. This might be the shake down the Deens need to change their outlook, who knows?

  2. No, the plantation wedding comment is in the deposition. She admitted it in court. Have you read it? That’s why I was upset when she skipped answering Mr. Lauer’s question on the show. That is why Wendy Williams, Sherri Shepard and Whoopi Goldberg all went off later in the day on their respective shows (The Wendy Williams Show & The View).

    I hope this is a wake-up call. Ms. Deen is trying to get the case thrown out because with Ms. Jackson also being White, her comments should not have offended her. I believe anyone can be offended by any derogatory statement. That’s like stating that a guy cannot get offended because his male boss calls every woman in the office cunt or bitch.

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