Shadow work Sunday

When a lie is told enough times, no matter how blatant, those it’s targeting start to believe it.

That’s how it started with me. Back when I started grade 9, I moved to a very isolated community. I wasn’t from there so it automatically put a bully me beacon on my back.

To get them off my back, first, I tried to fight the accusations and lies, but after a while, I took the coward’s way out and started to agree with whatever they said, just to get it to stop. After four years of it, the lies became my reality.

I don’t have time for cowards

I know, Odin, You woke me up with a Divine bitch slap. It’s time to work through the lies I was first told by the bullies, then, repeated to myself for almost two decades.

I’m not a coward and it’s time to piss or get off the pot. I am not stupid. I am not ugly, and having a sex drive is not wrong. It’s the “I am not stupid” part I’m having a difficult time with if you want to know the truth. It isn’t wrong to admit that I don’t know something. It is wrong to belittle myself with a blatant lie. I need to be more mindful of the negative shadows that want to take my thoughts to where they shouldn’t go. Self pity, false humility, cowardly based behaviours.

This is the long term effects of bullying. I let them win for twenty years, it’s about time I took my life back. Therapy helped some, but not as much as I needed. I needed a much bigger kick in the ass.

Odin’s self esteem workshop 101 is now in session. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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About Monica Baker

Stay at home mom trying to get back into the workforce and blogging about it. Nothing super exciting really. But if you insist on reading go right ahead. If anything feel free to leave tips!

Posted on September 22, 2013, in Seems Legit, Spirituality and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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