Right in the Feelz

I mentioned in a previous post (The Paula Deen one actually) that I have a pretty bad history.  That I used to be involved in the whole white supremacy movement and all that shit.  (I use the word shit because that’s exactly what it was and is.  Shit.)  

Well, one of my facebook friends posted something about how ze watched a docu about the Aryan Brotherhood on Netflix and how ze was pretty heartbroken over how they use the Valknut, and other Old Norse symbolism for their tattoos, and how Odin seriously doesn’t care about skin colour and whatnot.  


Right there,  feelz flooded over me when I read that post.  All I could comment was, an acknowledgement that zir UPG was correct.  I then had a flood of thoughts go through my head…UPG alert time

1: Odin can tell the falsely marked.  No amount of ink can hide the cowardly heart of a neo-nazi from His gaze.  They will be sorely surprised when they die and the Valkyrie passes them over, and Nidhogg starts gnawing on their bones. 

2: True courage is loving everyone and defending the weak, despite the differences in skin, belief, or creed. 

I was pretty much a blubbering mess for a good part of an hour because of this.  Thing is, He walked away from me once because of this.  Loki kept His distance and pretty much did a Hail Mary gamble to get me out (it worked btw) but Odin, and the rest, as much as it hurt Them, turned their backs on me.  Walked away.  They have no time for that kind of shit. 

So, I sat down and had a talk with The Old Man.  He explained that the wash of Feelz, was Him, His hurt when He had to turn away, and His forgiveness, because I changed and grew the fuck up.  I hurt Him deeply, when I did what I did, and followed that line of hateful thinking.  I hurt all of Them deeply,  yes, even Loki.  He just had His Reasons for sticking it out and watching the trainwreck.

I didn’t even have to ask for it.  Odin just, forgave me.  Because They walked away from me once, has driven it home that They can do it again if I royally Fuck Up.  I doubt I will actually Fuck Up that badly again since I really don’t believe that party line anymore. But one never knows.  I know damn well that I plan on doing my best by Them.  I have been so far, with a few flails and hiccups along the way, but who doesn’t flail and hiccup along the way when it comes to this stuff?  



About Monica Baker

Stay at home mom trying to get back into the workforce and blogging about it. Nothing super exciting really. But if you insist on reading go right ahead. If anything feel free to leave tips!

Posted on February 24, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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