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Shadows of the Past come to Haunt me.

Everyone in the Northern Tradition Blogosphere has been talking about what went down in Kansas.  I figure I would put my two cents in, even though it’s probably not needed, or wanted.

As I read the news about what that old man did.  That bitter, angry, hateful old man.  The old man who couldn’t let old hatred die, the old man who probably had nothing left, except the hate that fueled him through his twilight years. I could have wound up like him.

I used to run with the white supremacy movement. I used to believe all that tripe.  I used to even do the Odinist thing. I shudder to remember the memories I have of that awful time.  The pain I caused other humans, and to my Gods alike.  They turned Their backs on me, justifiably.

There is no excuse for what that man did.  I have no words, to be honest, just anger.  I try to get away from that aspect of my past, and it comes up and thwacks me upside the head in ugly ways.  I’m ANGRY how the white racist movement has appropriated the old ways of Europe.  The Celtic, Norse, Fino-Ugric religions…all have been appropriated by the racists.

Why you might ask?  I’ll give you insight.  It has to do with ancestors.  They want to be closer to the “pure” religion of their “White Ancestors”  (note the sarcasm quotes)  The real extreme ones, even view Christianity as a traitorous religion, and have contempt for the KKK and the World Church of the Creator.   They want to preserve “White Culture”.  They think they are “under attack” from multiculturalism.

Boy are they in for a shock when they learn that Vikings were prolific traders throughout history!  They traded as far as China, probably down into Africa!  They embraced other cultures and traditions!  Vikings weren’t as xenophobic as they think they were.

Sure Odin is a God of battle and glory that is for certain, one of His faces is that of Death.  He is also the God of wisdom, poetry and exploration.  His ways are traveling around the nine realms, to learn from the inhabitants.   My shame is, I bought into the party line.  I betrayed Him and His kin. They forgave me. I guess my deeds and heart changed and They took me back.  I’m never going to violate Their trust in me ever again.  It’s sacred.  It’s deep.  

You’re probably wondering what got me to change.  I got pregnant with my daughter.  That’s pretty much it.  I realized when I was pregnant with her, that there was way more to life than who follows what religion and the amount of melanin in someone’s skin.  I was foolish, stupid and ignorant.  I didn’t want to raise my child in an environment of hate.  I turned my back on the evil and moved forward.  

I’m still very remorseful for how I was.  Stuff like this brings the whole guilt back up to the surface and I spend the day in deep meditation in front of my altars, mostly apologizing profusely to the Gods for my tomfuckery when I was young and stupid.  I don’t know how much self flagellation Odin will put up with from me on this issue, I think He’ll give me the cease and desist eventually, or already has and I’m too dense to see.

This is a rambling blog so yeah deal with it, my blog I can ramble on if I want to,  this whole racist shtick kinda hits hard and I need to get it out to process this because it really does affect me deeply.

It’s because of my past involvement, that I’m pretty leery about getting a valknut tattooed on me, Odin wants me to, I want to.  Thing is,  it’s still recognized as a hate symbol thanks to fucktards like the old coot in the news story.  

I’m glad that as a community, we are no longer remaining silent.  We need to fight this stigma tooth and nail.  I might not be the best person to help with that fight, because of my past, but damnit I’ll stand behind people who are more suited for the task and give as much insight and intel that I can.

It’s a shame that the old man is probably too old and set in his ways to change,  pretty obvious since he took it to a level most white supremists dream of.  

Oh and about the asshats who like to wear Odin’s mark:

All that I know is, Odin can tell the difference between who a real adherent to His ways are and some punk ass fucktard coward wearing a Valknut to be cool. When that fucktard dies, the Valkyries will pass them over and not even Hel will receive them.

They will be cursed to wander in the Twilight, providing never ending practice for the Hunt.

So as a Heathen community, we are holding a fundraiser to help the families of those who have been slain in this heinous act of hate.  We want to hold our hand out to the Jewish community and show that we aren’t hateful bigots. Please, if you can, donate, it will mean a lot to those families.

A fitting passage from the Havamal if you ask me:

A coward believes he will ever live 
if he keep him safe from strife: 
but old age leaves him not long in peace 
though spears may spare his life.