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A Rant about Gamers. An Ode To The Neckbeard

I’m gonna start this off with a disclaimer: I’m a gamer.  I play video games.  I play causally and competitively.  I *enjoy* video games.  I am also a wife of a gamer who plays casually and competitively.  I have children who are gamers.  See the theme? I’m not against video games.

I *am* against assholes who want to shove into the safe gaming spaces set out for children.  I’m looking at you jerks who want to take Splatoon and make it into a competitive kid-UNFRIENDLY arena.  Who want voice chat so you can “coordinate” (my ass) and win at all costs.

Nintendo has decided to ignore these neckbearded manchildren who fail so hard at  adult oriented games that they feel the need to prove their non-existent manhood at beating children at an online video game.  Their excuse for it, “Well children play Call of Duty and Battlefield.”

Hey honey, let me tell you something,  those high voices you hear, cursing you out, calling you names, saying that you suck, those are probably not kids, but women.  You know this.  Deep down in your black Brony soul, you know this is a fact, and you want to protect what’s left of your non-existent manhood that you will say a CHILD beat you in a video game instead of a woman, because it’s THAT HUMILIATING for you to admit that a woman is better than you at a game.

So you decide to go invade the safe space that Nintendo has put out for kids, because it makes you feel better to beat on someone smaller. Well sorry.  Nintendo doesn’t play that, and I’m glad.  I’m GLAD I won’t have some neckbearded fuckboy yelling insults at my children because they aren’t playing to their standards.  I won’t have some crazy ass PedoBrony approaching my daughter in a suggestive manner and verbally abusing her over a game.  My kids will be able to enjoy playing in a safe space.  Parental controls are a thing, I get that, and I use them liberally, the thing is, kids still need a safe space to game away from angry emasculated manchildren who strive to steal the joy from everyone because they don’t have any themselves.

Ya’ll are like Discord from My Little Pony.  Just stop.  Go by Wheaton’s Law and stop being dicks.  Let kids have their spaces.  Thank you.