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Ramblings. I made a comment in a group, thought I’d share

Odin has never been nasty to me. Lessons, and some of those lessons have been cruel, but never ever outright malicious for the sake of being malicious, same with Loki. I love Them with all my heart. Odin never wanted my fear. He never wanted my terror. He wanted my love. He got it. I don’t get the grandfather Odin….He manifests to me as Snake from Escape from New York, but with more grey in his hair…

Personal relationships with the Gods are just that. Personal. MY Odin isn’t the same as YOUR Odin. MY Loki isn’t the same as YOUR Loki. The Gods present themselves to us in the way they think WE need to see Them for our benefit. Sure there are common traits when UPG/Doxis align with everyone else and it’s like “WOAH coolies” But yeah…

I’m not what you would call a reconstructionist. The Lore has a place, but, the times are NOW, modern. We have the internet, we have cars, and trains and airplanes…We have plastics, and super light metals. The Traditions of Old are good and all, but bringing the Gods into the modern world will be a good thing. Hence why the Marvel Cinematic Universe isn’t exactly a NEGATIVE thing. It has it’s place. It’s bringing at least the names back onto the people’s lips and into their hearts, where they can take root, and grow, spark the imaginations and grow their strength.

This is a blog from one of the ladies I hold in high esteem:http://lokisbruid.wordpress.com/…/embracing-marvel…/ It’s pretty well written and explains what I’m trying to explain.

Of course, my walk with the Gods is a very intimate one, much different than many of you.  Your walk is different than mine. Neither are wrong, just different. Different is not wrong.

So this happened last night

Ok, yesterday was the camp for my son’s Beaver scouts.  We couldn’t camp out because of reasons, but we went for the day and had a pretty good time.  That was until we had to leave of course.

Here is a high quality artistic rendition of what happened.

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As you can see, I got into a fender bender with Dude car.  My car has like his paint on it, and MAYBE a scratch.  I cracked his bumper. 😦  I still have my N on my license so I’m all like ERMAHGERD I AM TOAST when my husband finds out.

Well I emailed him and told him what happened, along with this nice artistic rendition of the events.  

I had a day long panic attack because I didn’t know how pissed he was at me, and all the bad scenarios were going through my head, and yes I was about to just give up driving all together.  I couldn’t even bring myself to look at my car today.  

That got solved.  Suddenly, my newly touched up tattoo started getting warm, painful, and ooky. I’m like “Great, probably because I didn’t clean it often yesterday…” and I went to look for the polysporin.  Nope…I’m like “CRAP I must have left it in the car…crap…” So I *had* to go and get the stuff out of the car… Odin 1 My paranoid self: 0  After that wonderful feat, a coupon for a free Blizzard from DQ just showed up on my desk.  Expired tomorrow.  

I sigh heavily and am like “I’m being rewarded with ice cream?”

“Only if you go drive to get it…time’s ticking..”

So after supper I went and got this:

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because I’m a sucker for ice cream…as much as The One who dangled the carrot in front of my face, so to speak.  

See, when I run into something really big and bad, such as FAILURE, or an accident or something, I have a habit of just giving the fuck up.  Going NOPE NOPE NOPE NOT DOING IT FUCK THAT.  I mean I was about to cancel my insurance, cut my license up and just go FUCK THIS.

Like I did when I was 16 and I hit a rock with my mom’s car.  Caused a shitton of damage, was a decent sized rock, jutting out of the ground….I didn’t get behind the wheel again after that, until I was 33 years old. 

The day before my road test, I put the car into the ditch.  Three wheels in the air, (Car was still upright)  had to get a farmer to tow us out with his tractor.  I misjudged the distance off to the right.

My husband still made me take the road test.

Last night, I misjudged my distance to the right, again.  I thought I had enough room, but I didn’t, and I dinged buddy’s car.  

So, when I got home after getting the Blizzard that Loki dangled in front of my nose enticingly, this fell across my Tumblr Dash

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OK OK I GET IT….

Thanks Guys….

Still don’t think I should be on the road but hey, I can only learn from this and get better, I hope.

Vaccines and a UPG of sorts

note this is my UPG. Nobody else’s. All mine. So please keep on mind as you read this.

I was hanging out on Facebook, like I usually do, and a friend of mine posted up this: http://imgur.com/a/eZFng now, my friend isn’t an anti vaccine dude. He’s actually one of the more vocal pro vaccine people on my friends list, and he had a kid with autism.

Now as I read that, a thought popped into my head that wasn’t just “holy Hel, the stupid here, it burns” (yes that thought popped into my head as well don’t get me wrong.). It was “wow, I wonder what the Gods think of this stupidity? Like Odin, Freyja and Hel, all were very worshipped and present way before vaccines were around, and They saw the ravages of smallpox, measles, mumps, rubella, whooping cough, you name it. They had to take the children ravaged by these diseases, into Their arms before they could live their lives to the fullest.

I got a surge of grief and anger from Odin when I asked that question. These diseases are vaccine preventable now. He doesn’t WANT to take kids from their parents. Hel doesn’t, Frau Holda doesn’t. Freyja doesn’t. They WANT children to grow up and live full lives. The amount of pure fear and stupidity in the antivaccine movement astounds Him. They keep children alive. Now that these nearly eradicated diseases are making a comeback in children, I feel, more grief and anger from Odin. They can be prevented, why don’t parents prevent them? Foolish people, sacrificing their children because of unfounded and pseudoscientific fears.

Oh and let’s not forget that viruses mutate. We didn’t eradicate them fully, so guess what. There is a strong possibility that these childhood diseases will mutate to get around current vaccines because they haven’t been eliminated as completely as smallpox was, becoming more deadly and more virulent. If everyone would have stuck with vaccinating, all those deadly childhood diseases would have been wiped out already, now we face the possibility of vaccine resistant strains.

That’s my rant. This is my blog, and my UPG. If i find any crazy comments promoting Wakefield and pseudoscience, I will not approve them so don’t bother wasting your time.

 

Edit to add:  I know there are parents who literally CAN NOT Vaccinate their kids.  This blog post is directed at those parents who swallow the pseudoscientific garbage that’s pumped out by the anti-vaccine movement and the debunked study of Andrew Wakefield.

Shadows of the Past come to Haunt me.

Everyone in the Northern Tradition Blogosphere has been talking about what went down in Kansas.  I figure I would put my two cents in, even though it’s probably not needed, or wanted.

As I read the news about what that old man did.  That bitter, angry, hateful old man.  The old man who couldn’t let old hatred die, the old man who probably had nothing left, except the hate that fueled him through his twilight years. I could have wound up like him.

I used to run with the white supremacy movement. I used to believe all that tripe.  I used to even do the Odinist thing. I shudder to remember the memories I have of that awful time.  The pain I caused other humans, and to my Gods alike.  They turned Their backs on me, justifiably.

There is no excuse for what that man did.  I have no words, to be honest, just anger.  I try to get away from that aspect of my past, and it comes up and thwacks me upside the head in ugly ways.  I’m ANGRY how the white racist movement has appropriated the old ways of Europe.  The Celtic, Norse, Fino-Ugric religions…all have been appropriated by the racists.

Why you might ask?  I’ll give you insight.  It has to do with ancestors.  They want to be closer to the “pure” religion of their “White Ancestors”  (note the sarcasm quotes)  The real extreme ones, even view Christianity as a traitorous religion, and have contempt for the KKK and the World Church of the Creator.   They want to preserve “White Culture”.  They think they are “under attack” from multiculturalism.

Boy are they in for a shock when they learn that Vikings were prolific traders throughout history!  They traded as far as China, probably down into Africa!  They embraced other cultures and traditions!  Vikings weren’t as xenophobic as they think they were.

Sure Odin is a God of battle and glory that is for certain, one of His faces is that of Death.  He is also the God of wisdom, poetry and exploration.  His ways are traveling around the nine realms, to learn from the inhabitants.   My shame is, I bought into the party line.  I betrayed Him and His kin. They forgave me. I guess my deeds and heart changed and They took me back.  I’m never going to violate Their trust in me ever again.  It’s sacred.  It’s deep.  

You’re probably wondering what got me to change.  I got pregnant with my daughter.  That’s pretty much it.  I realized when I was pregnant with her, that there was way more to life than who follows what religion and the amount of melanin in someone’s skin.  I was foolish, stupid and ignorant.  I didn’t want to raise my child in an environment of hate.  I turned my back on the evil and moved forward.  

I’m still very remorseful for how I was.  Stuff like this brings the whole guilt back up to the surface and I spend the day in deep meditation in front of my altars, mostly apologizing profusely to the Gods for my tomfuckery when I was young and stupid.  I don’t know how much self flagellation Odin will put up with from me on this issue, I think He’ll give me the cease and desist eventually, or already has and I’m too dense to see.

This is a rambling blog so yeah deal with it, my blog I can ramble on if I want to,  this whole racist shtick kinda hits hard and I need to get it out to process this because it really does affect me deeply.

It’s because of my past involvement, that I’m pretty leery about getting a valknut tattooed on me, Odin wants me to, I want to.  Thing is,  it’s still recognized as a hate symbol thanks to fucktards like the old coot in the news story.  

I’m glad that as a community, we are no longer remaining silent.  We need to fight this stigma tooth and nail.  I might not be the best person to help with that fight, because of my past, but damnit I’ll stand behind people who are more suited for the task and give as much insight and intel that I can.

It’s a shame that the old man is probably too old and set in his ways to change,  pretty obvious since he took it to a level most white supremists dream of.  

Oh and about the asshats who like to wear Odin’s mark:

All that I know is, Odin can tell the difference between who a real adherent to His ways are and some punk ass fucktard coward wearing a Valknut to be cool. When that fucktard dies, the Valkyries will pass them over and not even Hel will receive them.

They will be cursed to wander in the Twilight, providing never ending practice for the Hunt.

So as a Heathen community, we are holding a fundraiser to help the families of those who have been slain in this heinous act of hate.  We want to hold our hand out to the Jewish community and show that we aren’t hateful bigots. Please, if you can, donate, it will mean a lot to those families.  http://www.youcaring.com/help-a-neighbor/benefit-for-victims-of-the-kansas-city-shootings/165331

A fitting passage from the Havamal if you ask me:

A coward believes he will ever live 
if he keep him safe from strife: 
but old age leaves him not long in peace 
though spears may spare his life.

http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/havamal.html

New-ish Altars!

I finally got around to picking up some stuff to make an altar for Odin.  Loki has had His for a while, and Odin was cool sharing for a bit but They were getting tired of sharing a room so to speak.

I got a couple of tables from my mom for Christmas.  Nice antique/distressed green ones.  I like them.  So I put them in our dining room since it’s one of the most used rooms of our house.

I have been slowly embroidering altar cloths for the two but that’s kinda stalled because of Reasons.

Anyway here’s the pics of the finished product.

 

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Odin’s altar has a grey jasmine candle (I couldn’t find dark blue and He was like ‘grey is cool too’) a little ivy plant (I felt I needed to put a plant on there for some reason, I don’t know why…) a raven feather. (Picked up on my way back from bringing the kids to the bus one morning.  A raven stopped on a powerline overhead and pulled it out and dropped it to the ground.  I knew it was important) My runes, and a couple of crystals. (Labradorite, smoke quartz, rose quartz and purple dyed agate)

 

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Loki’s…standard Lego Loki minifig, Pinkie Pie, Om Nom. (Feed with Candy and Cupcakes) a fish (not a salmon but it works for now) Red candle and smudge stick.  It works.  😀  anyway that’s His.  He’s happy with it.

Interesting chat

On Facebook, one of my cousins shared a gofundme for a mother of two who passed on from encephalitis. Loki kinda looked at me and said:

“You know, you should stop fighting the mortal about the insurance thing”

Me: “really? I don’t bring anything g in financially, it would just be for the funeral, after that he would be …”

Him: “shut it. Stop devaluing yourself”

Me: “ok, what was the weregild for a slain mother”

Odin: “quite a bit, usually more than what her husbands would be, and more often than not, it was bloodgeld”

So that’s my UPG….

Guess I need to go “ok let’s go to SISIP and get it sorted”. Bah.

According to the Godphone flow chart this is probably legit because it goes against the stubborn self devaluing pity party I usually have.

What defines a “devotional relationship” with a God or Goddess?

I have been told by some people that one cannot ( or should not) do (insert Thing here) if one does not have a devotional relationship with said God or Goddess. That has always confused me. Why? You may ask. Pretty simple. All my models for a “devotional relationship” with the Divine, is through the Protestant or Catholic Judeo Christian model, and to be frank, my relationship with my Gods, is definitely not like that at all.

I don’t sing hymns, I don’t say prayers. I go “morning! What’s up? Here’s Your coffee.” I chat with Them throughout my day, and once a day I go and meditate. If They ask me to do something, I do my best to fulfil the request, but, the whole dynamic does NOT feel like the Judeo Christian model of devotion worship that I have been modelled my entire life, heck I don’t read reference materials that often. I know the gist of the Eddas and lore, but the in depth study of various translations? Nope, not for me and I don’t feel particularly called to do so.

I don’t fast for my Gods either. Actually I have been expressly forbidden by both Loki and Odin to do so. I don’t know why, They have Their Reasons and I’m just gonna go “okay boss” and not entertain that youth ever again.

I keep going to the Judeo Christian reference, let me clear it up. The model I’m familiar with for devotion is, going to church 1-3 times a week, group bible study once a week, nightly bible readings, prayer, rinse and repeat. There is Lent starting today, so the hordes of faithful are evaluating and going through things to give up for lent to show their devotion. Both Protestant and Catholics do this.

I figure that my house hasn’t burnt down and I haven’t been killed in a horrific bloody and spectacular way, I’m still doing it right. Odin told me today that what we have (Loki, Him and I) goes a little bit deeper than a purely devotional practice. I think I’ll take His word on it and leave it at that.

Right in the Feelz

I mentioned in a previous post (The Paula Deen one actually) that I have a pretty bad history.  That I used to be involved in the whole white supremacy movement and all that shit.  (I use the word shit because that’s exactly what it was and is.  Shit.)  

Well, one of my facebook friends posted something about how ze watched a docu about the Aryan Brotherhood on Netflix and how ze was pretty heartbroken over how they use the Valknut, and other Old Norse symbolism for their tattoos, and how Odin seriously doesn’t care about skin colour and whatnot.  

BAM 

Right there,  feelz flooded over me when I read that post.  All I could comment was, an acknowledgement that zir UPG was correct.  I then had a flood of thoughts go through my head…UPG alert time

1: Odin can tell the falsely marked.  No amount of ink can hide the cowardly heart of a neo-nazi from His gaze.  They will be sorely surprised when they die and the Valkyrie passes them over, and Nidhogg starts gnawing on their bones. 

2: True courage is loving everyone and defending the weak, despite the differences in skin, belief, or creed. 

I was pretty much a blubbering mess for a good part of an hour because of this.  Thing is, He walked away from me once because of this.  Loki kept His distance and pretty much did a Hail Mary gamble to get me out (it worked btw) but Odin, and the rest, as much as it hurt Them, turned their backs on me.  Walked away.  They have no time for that kind of shit. 

So, I sat down and had a talk with The Old Man.  He explained that the wash of Feelz, was Him, His hurt when He had to turn away, and His forgiveness, because I changed and grew the fuck up.  I hurt Him deeply, when I did what I did, and followed that line of hateful thinking.  I hurt all of Them deeply,  yes, even Loki.  He just had His Reasons for sticking it out and watching the trainwreck.

I didn’t even have to ask for it.  Odin just, forgave me.  Because They walked away from me once, has driven it home that They can do it again if I royally Fuck Up.  I doubt I will actually Fuck Up that badly again since I really don’t believe that party line anymore. But one never knows.  I know damn well that I plan on doing my best by Them.  I have been so far, with a few flails and hiccups along the way, but who doesn’t flail and hiccup along the way when it comes to this stuff?  

 

Moar mead!!!!

So yesterday I picked up some more fixings to make mead. I use http://www.stormthecastle.com/mead/fast-cheap-mead-making.htm that method because 1: it’s cheap and 2: it doesn’t require a carboy or any special equipment.

This time instead of using oranges I put some apples and cranberries, and tossed in some cinnamon, cloves and a hit of caraway.

Odin blessed it by saying “May it kick like Sleipnir and bite like Fenrir” and gave me a hug. I think He likes it when I make booze lol. Loki was all “yaaaay. This is gonna get you fucked UP!!!!”

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So there it is. Making mead is devotional, cooking is devotional, doing the mundane to the best of ones abilities pleases the Gods, even if you don’t have a Godphone that has good reception if any at all.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! (A prayer for Thanks)

Today is the day that Canada celebrates Thanksgiving.  I, for one have much to be thankful for.

I’m thankful for my family, both here and departed.  I do hope this coming year I will get to know my ancestors in a deeper, more meaningful way.

I’m thankful to my mortal husband for putting up with my bullshit for so long.

I am thankful to Loki, for getting me out of the bad situation I was in so long ago and saving my life. (Even though right now one of His gifts to me is screaming and tantruming in her room because she isn’t getting what she wants, dude I just mommyjacked my own blog wat?) Hail Loki, I can’t wait to see what more our walk together will bring.

I am thankful to Odin, who has had so much patience with me as I’ve opened up old wounds to clean them out, so I can be a better, more rounded person, and even opening those wounds up Himself to get them clean. Also finding the bad head tapes to delete or write over.  Hail Odin!

I am thankful to Freyr,  through His bounty our CSA this year has been overflowing with good food which will carry over through the winter.  Yesterday, we had the Thanksgiving feast with my parents, because we all wanted to take this day to veg and reflect.  We had a wonderful 20lb free range turkey, and all the fixins, thanks to Freyr and His generosity.  Hail Freyr!

ACK

I’m also thankful for all my Heathen friends out there, Loki’s Bruid ( http://lokisbruid.wordpress.com ) In particular.  She’s helped me through all the flail.  ALL THE FLAIL and then some.  If she weren’t around, I’d probably would have marched straight off to the freeking psych and got more meds, seriously, she’s awesome.